Lyrics:
Santy claws are scratching up my back
oh, holy crismas
tells the story of the days when santa hit the sack
oh, holy crismas
he took a break and gave nothing to the people
said, "i'm going on a diet, i'll tread instead of sled"
no one knows the whole story
he disappeared for quite a while
and in those years the people learned to laugh instead of smile
oh, holy crismas

raindeer keep knocking on my shoes, they taste delicious
in the morning with my presents by the dozens it's incessant
and i'm looking for a something else to do
oh, holy crismas

santy and his raindeer are never coming back
oh, holy crismas
people started smiling and laughing as presents instead
oh, holy crismas
the turn of events ended up pleasant
santa stopped watching tv and took up hiking
he's now an Alaskan mountain ranger attempting to thwart the oil drilling earth changer!

santy claws keep scratching up my back
in the morning by the dozens with my sisters and my cousins
i am warding off the santa claus attack
oh, holy crismas

lost running through the forest where outside i saw a steeple
lost, in Alaska
it's a place where people go so i thought there might be people
help, i will ask 'em
knocked upon the door, it fell down and hit the floor
i met a slender, bearded man and somehow asked him what it's for
when he replied, "i've not decided till i stopped and asked for more."
raindeer nibbled toes, a twinkle hit my nose
his presence descended, thought my life had ended
one day in december, i try not remember, oh, holy crismas

santy claws keep scratching up my back
in the morning by the dozens with my sisters and my cousins
i am warding off the santa claus attack
oh, holy crismas

this is where i come in, i am an oil tycoon,
prospecting's my business and business it does boom
when lost in search of money where snow and wind did blow
skinny white beard man came at me with rosy cheeks and a suit of red
and he said, "Turn around there sonny, i can tell you've got an itch."
He scratched and he scratched till my suit was not a stitch
yes he scratched and he scratched, that's the sitch
yes he scratched yes he scratched yes he scratched!

santy claws keep scratching up my back
in the morning by the dozens with my sisters and my cousins
i am warding off the santa claus attack
oh, holy crismas